Over 3 1/2 months since I’ve felt this way…
So why am I feeling so blah? Why the heck am I waking up in the middle of the night with self doubt! I have nothing to stress about, my family is uber supportive, loving and healthy, my friends all rock… Bud is my number one fan, the believer that, anything is possible. So what is wrong with me? Rhetorical question, please don’t fill in the blank…
Am I a blogger? What the heck is a blogger?
One definition I found; “A person who keeps updates on a blog.”, really, that’s it? How anticlimactic! Oh there are other posts on what it is to be a blogger, those quite frankly are very unfaltering and rude! Urban Smurban dictionary, pffft, you suck!
There are more blogs out there than I can shake a stick at, very well established blogs, with people following them… All are wonderful in their own right, how am I gonna get noticed, how will I inspire someone? How will I be followed & loved like the big “boys” seem to be? And why am I trying to get there a month into this process? Grrrrr…
I think we all strive to be the best we can, right? The sick little fantasy I have to be an amazing photographer, a sought after interior designer, to have total acceptance and adoration, no idea that even existed in me until I started this process… that’s a lie, of course I always had and will have the desire to be liked, the rest of the fantasy, well you gotta go, cause I need my rest! All of that aside, I AM having a blast! The blogging network is very cool, supportive and fun… And I do love being creative, surrounded by creative and like minded people.
But still, nag, nag…
It’s all about the numbers! FB likes, pinterest follows, instagram followers, is your web site this and that, are your photos this and that, 12 easy steps to be noticed, oh my, info overload… Really, at 2:30 in the morning this is not what you want running through your brain! All of the pending projects that are in my head, all of the above hit me at once, awake, out of a dead sleep! Scheduling, planing, pre-tweets! Really??? Wow I have so much to learn! I don’t even have RSS, what is RSS?
It didn’t make sense to me until this morning that I’m actually comparing my self to others, it’s very hard to sort through all the whirling thoughts at that time of night. I’m comparing my beginnings to everyone’s middle, I pinned a friggen inspirational saying to not do that, so why the heck am I doing that?!?!?
You know what, all of the blogs that I admire started at a beginning too… Why am I judging myself and comparing myself to the big hitters? Ya, sure I strive to be there one day, but really this is my beginning, and dammit I’m going to enjoy it! I sound angry, and I am, only at myself though… the insecure little girl is once again living inside me… she’s very annoying!
I realize now in the light of day, that you need to take the first steps before you can actually walk, let alone run.
How am I doing as a new blogger, I have no idea? I do know that comparing myself to others is just a recipe to be awake in the middle of the night and that’s not good… Is blogging the only thing I want to do, the answer to that is no. I have to look at this like an evolution, this is my beginning process, I have to treat it as such.
Am I perfect, nope, far from it! Have I made mistakes, oh ya, am I a writer, nope. I write with passion, truth and honest feelings, that’s what make me, me… Am I a pro photographer, nope, but I’m learning something I really love to do! I’m really glad for my readers and friends who are always commenting and who are so supportive, I am very happy to be exactly where I am right now. I just need to learn to love my imperfections… a life long battle.
Lessons learned going forward, slow and steady, one day at a time, ask for help and learn from these sleepless nights, use them to backup and reload, focus!
Thanks for listening to this newbie and the self indulgence, aka “confessions”, now on to better and frankly, more exciting things…
What have we been up to? We’re pretty busy, there seems to be a plethora of projects in the hopper, we are very excited about that!
The Studio and the bits and pieces that go with that.
A stand for Judy, poor Judy, has no legs! A new lamp shade that was a happy accident, turned out kind of cool, rustic like. The work bench, I adore! A new clock made out of a stovepipe collar. I just have some finishing touches, oh and the post to write up and that little project will be done. Little, is relative I guess…
Our son Michael, is turning 23 on Wednesday! I have no idea where the time has gone, I was a baby when I had my baby! That my friends is a whole other post! I miss his little face all of the time!
He will be attending a professional audio school in September and we are working away on making his birthday gift, industrial desks, 2 of them (his design); I’m learning how to weld and saw through metal, very cool!
We had an awesome evening out to listen to our son’s girlfriend, Seana sing the national anthem at a hockey game, she killed it BTW, even though my photos did not! I could not imagine getting up in front of a crowd to sing, we are very proud of her!!! <3 It was very cute to see Mike so nervous for Seana, adorable!
I’m going on a hunting trip this Saturday, Bud is coming with me, so it may be a controlled hunting trip. We’re going to a little town called Almonte… This little store (Tin Barn Market) makes me crazy, in a good way of course! I can’t wait to go explore and let you know what I find!
Photography lessons, follow up lessons are on the horizon… But this is what I’ve been practising on so far…
Our fur babies… Polly (our pup), the senior citizen and Kiefer (our kitten), our baby. The Clydesdale across the street from us, our family heirloom dishes and a Sunday afternoon smelling maple syrup boiling off… YUM!
If you made it all the way through this post, thanks for listening… I appreciate you reading it! Until the next post, let us know what you think, sweet dreams… hopefully!
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